Yesterday I met Tumami Tui. Kalahating Hapon at Pinoy. I just formally met her recently, despite the fact that she's been sitting right behind me in Accounting 1210 and it's almost the end of the semester. We bumped into the hallway right after I finished my Marketing class while she was on her way to hers. I reluctantly said hi, not knowing if she knew me or not. For some reason we ended up talking a lot more than we should have.

She was so fascinated with my story of having to move here from Manila and getting into college right after high school despite your "typical" Filipino who ends up as a cashier in the McDonald's chains found on every corner. She is 21, has 3 jobs and just recently started the Marketing Program when she finally decided that she wanted to make something more of herself.

I told her that there was a whole crowd of us that had recently moved here from Manila just to get an education. Some with family, others "shipped off" by their parents. Tumami was in awe, thanking me for representing the Filipinos, taking action and making the most of this Canadian experience.

I guess I can't be anything but thankful as well.

Those here that have not had previous relationships or connection with Filipinos, which are a lot of my friends now, know Filipinos for:  their dog eating habits, as being a DH, their pornographic films, or being someone like Edna, the friendly cafeteria lady. A lot of the Filipinos here only associate with Filipinos. If not, they are embarassed of being Filipino and disassociate themselves with fellow Filipinos in every way possible. Me? Well, I do try to mix it up a lot, having friends of every sort. But I must admit that I am sometimes picky with the Filipinos friends I have.

Hopefully I'll have the chance to make people's view of Filipinos a positive one and their experience with a Filipino, enlightening. There's so much more to us and our country and that should come through. We deserve it.

It's been 5 months as of today. I can still remember that morning that I was about to leave. Last minute packing, last minute goodbyes... Text messages filling up my inbox, tears coming down from the other end of the line. Boy, was I toally clueless about what I was getting myself into...

It's been 2 months since I last cried... till about 3 nights ago. I was on my bed, tears coming down from my eyes. I took the road less traveled, but it has yet to make all the difference... Will it ever make all the difference? According to our 4th year English teachers, the sigh in Frost's poem is a sigh of content, but reading this poem over again, it doesn't seem like it at all. The protagonist speaks of the road less traveled as the one "just as fair," yet at the same time it "perhaps" has the "better claim." So the sigh in the end is not a sigh of content, but of uncertainty. The protagonist is still yet to know if he had made the right choice. I thought that this poem would have the answers to my questions, but it just made it all the more blurred in my head.

As much as it hurts me, I will take responsibility for my decision and I can't let all this effort go to waste. My life has been a mess since I got here, but at the same time, never would I have thought to learn so much from everything I've been through. I wish you guys could understand how hard it is to not have any of the people that mean the world to you with you, when the only life you know is gone and when you have to start a whole new life that could possibly lead me to a dark, deep ditch... But at the same time I hope you all realize how much you all mean to me. I don't want pity, I just want you to know how much I love you, that's all. Gosh, I wish I could just take all of you in my suitcase and bring you with me. Hehe. but really, I love my friends... I love you guys...

Just one more month and I'll be back, but unfortunately, only for an unlimited time. Don't expect me to be at home, sleeping. I'm making the most out of my time there cause it might be a really looong while till I return. See yah when I see yah. Mwah!

Over And Over

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with her
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo

I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think he's leaving
Ooh man he's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with her
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
and this choice I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think he's leaving
Ooh man he's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with her
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

(Now that I've realized that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with her
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with her
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it's all in my head

I love you gege ba-ngenge! hehe.

I think I just had one of the longest conversations on the phone since I moved here. Yeah, it's been a while since I've cried... and it's because of you! haha... just kidding, hun! Thanks for calling. It'll be my turn naman to call you next time. Don't worry, you're not alone!

I'll see you when I see you... we'll be drinking and partying till the break of dawn!

Nazzes list of things to do when I get back...
1. Visit all my friends, cry to them, tell them I love them and give them the biggest hugs ever!
2. Cry to my parents and give my adorable brothers the warmest hugs ever. Mike and Mark are the cutest!!
3. Eat at Cibo, Dencios and Cafe Breton. yum!! the food here is all JUNK i tell you... JUNK!!
4. Go to a nice beach where I can stay under the warm sun all day and attempt to get my legs tanned. hehe.
5. Party to hip hop while drinking my lemon drops and the AC drink!
6. Go to greenhills and shop my ass off!
7. Watch all the movies I can... movies here are 5 times the price. plus tax! I just realized how much I just miss watching movies with friends...
8. Celebrate Christel's 18th birthday!!!
9. Get myself a Tall Green Tea Frap. No whip, please. =)
10. Make the most of having maids and a driver! bwahaha... You guys try doing all the chores and having to commute everywhere. =)

2 months and 20 days, guys! It's been so long already! I can't wait! Yipee!!

Yesterday was my very first day of school... It actually went pretty smooth. I woke up late though and I missed the bus I was supposed to take, pero buti na lang the next bus got me to school just on time. My commute is pretty ok... a 34 minute bus ride and a 3-4 minute sky train ride... the sky train is like the MRT, btw. There's not much walking to do, except this block and a half walk up this hill to get to my school! fuck, it's hell! It's the hell hill! It's like on a 90 degree angle... I wanted to die, plus, my first class was on the fourth flooR! haha... that was my work out yesterday.

My first class was Poetry which was quite interesting. My teacher was pretty nice and approachable. Actually, all of my teachers are. Plus, we call them by their first name which is kinda new to me. hehe. My following class was Economics and my teacher is soo cool! Kinda weird though cause he's so hyper and he's really nice too. Another weird thing was that he doesn't grade you for recitation and stuff, so you don't even have to recite for the whole term! haha. It's kinda weird, yet ok cause I'm not really one who likes reciting in class. haha. my last class was Management Essentials which was really fun. There's not much lecture, it's all on like teaching you management skills and people skills which I think will help me a lot cause I have to refine my interaction skills. haha. We even had this activity where we had to make calling cards and give them out to people to meet and I met a lot. It was pretty fun. It was a lesson on Networking... really cool. A lot of people here are really nice and at the same time, some of them are so full of themselves...esp the whites! haha.

Today was ok as well. My first class was Intro to Computers which I'm so excited for. Our class was on the 5 floor though so it kinda took forever to get there. hehe. It was cool pa cause all the computers were new and there were so many high-tech gadgets. Sabi ng teacher that we have the most up to date computer labs in the whole of Canada... not bad!! My next class naman was Business Mathematics and I wanted to die... It's the same teacher as my Management class, but oh gosh, the class seems like a killer. We even took an assessment test and I got 6/16! Fuck, I wanted to die! To think that Math is like my favorite subject... dammit. I think I need to review on my algebra skills... hay...

Oh well, I'm looking forward to going back to school. It's just so overwhelming though cause it's been a while... 5 months to be exact. I'm praying that I get back into the groove next week and I settle down with some friends. haha!

Oh yeah, just to say, there weren't any guys that stood out.... but there's been one group of HOT HOHHT black guys that hang out together! haha... I was in heaven when I saw them! haha

To all the friends I love and who love me in return... Thank you for everything. Nothing compares to the friendship that we've shared. I realize now that friendship is a GIFT and that we should be happy to have it, for it is rare to find friends that'll be there when we need them the most.

Thank you for the fun times, the laughter, the parties and endless nights... more importantly, thank you for the lessons you've taught me, the secrets we've shared, the countless hardships we've gone through and just our time together. Thank you for loving me even to my last bit of imperfection, my insecurities and my failure to contol the bitch within.

I've grown a lot these past 2 1/2 months here without you guys (to think that I still have more growing up to do...). At first I was scared, really scared... scared that you'd all forget about me, scared that I'd become a sudden stranger, scared that even the deepest friendships would vanish. It's only the beginning, but I do know who are still there for me. At the same time, I've been trying my best to let all of you know that I'm still here for you.

For whatever happens, despite the fact that there's a whole ocean that separates us, I hope you know how grateful I am... even to those who have forgotten me and the ones that I may have forgotten. For whatever it is/was, I am/was lucky to have that friendship... we are lucky to have that friendship.

In 2 days I'll be starting college (finally!!) and I'm pertrified! There will be new people to meet, new things to learn and a whole lot more growing up to do. Thank you in advance to my future college friends.

CHEERS: to the 13 of us, the Rejects, the big batch kada, my section 2 friends, all my AC classmates, AC friends, AC Chorale, the Ateneas, the Lasallians, the Xavierians, my future college classmates and friends, the ones that have gone, been left behind and the ones yet to come. There's so much more ahead and I'm looking forward with an open mind and yes, an open heart. I love you all! MWAH!

Hay, I love my father... Just a few minutes ago I said goodbye to him at the airport as he went to board his plane. We made beso, hugged and said "I love you." to each other. I don't think I ever recall saying it to him or even hearing it from him... maybe in like letters or text, but never up front. It's sad that it had to take years for it to be done, but it's better late than never.

I've learned so much in the past couple weeks while living with just my dad. We got to bond and he gave me tips on how to live my life now that I'm all alone here... since he was in the exact same position when he was sent here for college. I have to admit that there were times when I felt that he was constantly lecturing me, but I knew that his main concern is that I do well here. Gosh, if there's one person I'm so afraid of letting down, it's my father. He's done so much for me and I know he expects a lot. I'd hate to see all his hard work go to waste. I feel so guilty sometimes for using so much of the family's money, but at the same time, I'm so grateful.

I love my father to bits and pieces. We might not be as close as we used to be because of all his work and my being "busy" with school and friends, but it's all good. I'm so proud of him. Now, he has such a beautiful relationship with God (I don't know how he does it.), he works so hard to provide for the family (to the extenet that he has no social life at all!) and I have to admit, he does look good for his age (yeah, that's from the working out 6x a week and the 70% fruits and veggies he eats. hay...).

Oh gosh, can I just say that last week we ate out at some burger joint and we ordered at the counter and as they were calling out our order... then man that gave it to us was like, "to the lovely couple at the back." WTF??? EWWW!!!! I wanted to throw up! My dad didn't hear though... Yuck!!!!

Anyways, removing that last thought from my mind... I love my father! God really has endless reasons to bless him.

I'm never going to dye my hair nor put blonde streaks in it.
I'm not going to make my eyebrows any thinner than they are now. I'm not getting any peirced nose or tongue.
I'm not going to be like those girls that wear their jeans so tight that their belly hangs all over the place. hehe.

I want to sing professionally, but that's a dream too far to reach.
I wish I could go to the gym 6x a week and eat 70% fruits and vegetables like my father.
I want to design jewellry like Harry Winston.
I want to have my own urban clothing line for women like Kimmora Lee Simmons.
I wish I could give 10% of my income to the church, just like the bible says we should.
I want to be a professional photographer and scrapbook-er.
I want to learn how to invest my money big time!
I wish I could improve Philippine education and make it recognized abroad (esp in Canada! hay...). I want to graduate from a Canadian University and go straight back home when I'm done.
I'd rather discover my own country first, the Phlippines, before any other country.
I wish I were selfless enough to volunteer to help kids with cancer or walk in those walkathons to end breast cancer.

Hay, this is all I can think of now... my head hurts. Haha. I'll save the rest for next time...